God Rewrote the Text of My Life

"But me He caught - reached all the way from sky to sea; He pulled me out of that ocean of hate, that enemy chaos, the void in which I was drowning. They hit me when I was down, but God stuck by me. He stood me upon a wide-open field; I stood there saved - surprised to be loved! God made my life complete when I placed all the pieces before Him. When I cleaned up my act, He gave me a fresh start. God rewrote the text of my life when I opened the book of my heart to His eyes." ~ 2 Samuel 22:17-21,25, The Message

It was one of those days. You know the kind...discouragement lurks in every shadow, the mirror screams that you will never measure up, fiery darts assail your mind like a ticker-tape parade raining accusations of fat, gross and ugly.

Fat. Gross. Ugly.
My constant companions.

Do you know what I mean? Most women can surely relate to this battle at least on occasion. Well, my occasional had become a drowning in the sea of self-loathing. Not pretty, I know. This might even surprise you about me, but I know I'm not the only one to feel this way. I am choosing to stand naked before you in the hope that it will help someone else.

I had succumbed to the enemy's lies! I was listening to every single syllable and, rather that fight him, I agreed with him and even offered a few ugly details he hadn't thought of...

But then, guess what happened. "God reached all the way from the sky to the sea; He pulled me out of that ocean of hate, that enemy chaos, the void in which I was drowning." And guess how he did it? He used my son, the one who is not walking with the Lord right now. Yep, God used my prodigal to save me.

Matt could read my countenance - he knew something was going on with me. I shared my heart with him. I told him how God was opening amazing doors for me, how thankful and excited I am about that. And I shared my fears of the unknown. And...I began to cry.

"Mom, what's wrong?" he said.
"I don't measure up Matt. Look at me. I've gained so much weight. I've got circles under my eyes, my hair is a mess, nothing fits..." On and on I went, playing a game of fiery darts with the enemy of my soul.

Matt sat quietly for a moment, then with the wisdom of a sage he poured life back into me. He said, "Mom, when people look at you I don't think they see the physical you. I think they see your spirit, a beautiful, powerful spirit that captivates them. When they look into your eyes people see how much God loves them. I think you're beautiful, Mom."

Tears trickled down my cheeks. The Lord used Matt to let me see how HE sees me. I've got a ways to go yet, but I am no longer drowning. God is helping me, kissing the wounds from the darts, patching up the painful blows to my mind.

"God rewrote the text of my life when I opened the book of my heart to His eyes."



Father, I hear Your whispers of love, I feel Your tender mercies. Thank You for loving me in spite of me. Heal me Lord. Free me from these destructive thoughts. I pray for the others reading this that face the same battle. Show Yourself strong in our lives, Lord. Open our eyes to see ourselves the way You see us. Help us to love ourselves the way You love us. Your mercy is great, Your grace is abundant. We love You, Lord. Help us to walk in the freedom of that love.
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