Guest blogger: Marcell Warner Bridges @Marcie_Bridges
I'm so tickled to share my friend, Marcie Bridges, with you. Like you and me, Marcie wants to know the Lord more. She wants to understand His thoughts and ways even though such things seem far from reach. Yet, Marcie is learning that when we press into the Lord, He delights in revealing Himself to us. Marcie took a gamble and exposed the vulnerable parts of her heart to us with transparency and grace. I'm sure you'll be touched by her willingness to offer us strength for the journey.
So I'm sitting here with tears streaming down my face. I had been putting off doing my Bible study in Freefall to Fly.* I think in my heart I knew I didn't want to encounter those things that may be painful. I wasn't ready yet. And I was right.
This particular day's chapter was all about our fears. It asked us to list them specifically one by one and give them to God. Hey! Did you know that you can be a Christian for 36 years, know most of the answers, give them to others, think you are actually trusting and believing, and ACTUALLY NOT?
Yeah so, getting real with God and yourself is really, really, really hard.
And now my heart sits in all of its utter ugliness written in my own handwriting in that book. Every fear. Well, almost every fear. I'm certain I didn't think of every one of them.
I've always told people, "Living in fear is not living at all." You know what's so funny about that? How much fear I walk in. I sit condemning myself for being such a hypocrite realizing the same truth Rebekah Lyons writes in this chapter, "Somehow in our distrust for people we have a lack of trust in God."*
I didn't know I was questioning God's love for me. In my piousness I boasted that I've never questioned His love for me because I know I'm going to Heaven. "Sometimes our circumstances or struggles may cause us to question God's love for us, but Scripture reminds us again and again that we can trust His love."* When I read that, I knew the truth of those words in my gut. Somehow, somewhere along the way I quit truly trusting that God could take care of me and help me through my struggles. Maybe not consciously, but it is there just itching to be taken out and whipped ... um, redeemed. Here's what I wrote in the journal at the end of the chapter:
When I live in fear, when I live in insecurity, then yes, I am questioning God's love and sacrifice for me. Because I'm telling myself and God that He isn't good enough either. When I live in my insecurities, I am slapping Him in the face telling Him He's not able to do all He said He would do.
I've also realized I care so much for other people that I've forgotten to care about myself. I've forgotten to pray for myself. I pray for other people all the time. I realized the other day I couldn't remember the last time I had repented of sin in my life. And you know what's funny about that? Yep, it's in this chapter too. A dear friend recently, on more than one occasion, said to me that God is bringing out all of the hurts in my life so I can be rid of them and trust God to establish my steps.
So yeah, I'm just a mess, but a good mess. You know? Nothing like a few salty tears and prayer to make a heart feel better. Don'tcha think?
"For God has not given us a spirit of fear,
but of power and of love and of a sound mind."
~ 2 Timothy 1:7
*Freefall to Fly: A Breathtaking Journey Toward a Life of Meaning, by Rebekah Lyons
A Tweetable to Encourage Others
Where is God when I feel afraid? Guest, Marcie Bridges offers insight. (Click to Tweet)
Marcell (Marcie) Warner Bridges is a wife, mother, and currently a student at Lenoir-Rhyne University studying for her Bachelors of Arts in English with the goal of becoming an Editor. Marcie began sharing her love of the Lord and His Word through poetry at a young age. Portraying difficult or emotional topics through poetry she deeply desires to encourage others in their walk with the Lord through the written word. Marcie has been published in several anthologies and frequently shares her work through her blog: Heart Thoughts http://marcieheartthoughts.blogspot.com Marcie can also be reached through email at email@example.com