My mind swirled in a hundred different directions. Anxiety over unemployment melted my strength over and over. The battle was fierce and the battle was daily. Still is.
As are the God-moments - the lessons in grace.
Today I ventured to the grocery store. Mind you, a smile was on my face, but tears were right behind my eyeballs. Anxious thoughts percolated through my mind. Dollar marks flashed like lightning strikes with every purchase.
I have to make sure we have enough left for gas to get to church Sunday, I thought. Let's just say I was not thinking this with thanksgiving in my heart. Nope. I was thinking this with murmuring, whining, and maybe a little gnashing of teeth. Just sayin'...
My heart was not a pretty sight.
And then I heard the Lord's whisper, "Nan, are these thoughts worthy of praise?"
"No," I said. "But neither is our bank account."
"Oh, really. Do you have enough for today?"
"Yes, Lord."
"Do you think I can take care of tomorrow?"
"Yes, Lord. I know You can, but..."
"But what? Either I'm God or I'm not."
"Well of course You're God, but..."
"No buts. Stop and consider your thoughts. Are they thoughts of My faithfulness? Are they thoughts of My provision and grace? My power? My ability to part The Red Sea for my children? No! Your thoughts are on your have-nots instead of your haves. You, Nan, are My child, My heir. I hold You in the palm of My hand. I have NEVER failed you, nor will I ever. I AM Jehovah-Jireh, your provider. I AM Jehovah Rapha, your Healer. I AM Jehovah Shammah, the God Who is there with you, and I AM El Roi, the God Who sees and knows all about your situation. I AM, Nan! And I am with you."
Ahem...God has a way with words, don't you agree? But, He was right. I was allowing my thoughts to run wild - to be pliable in the hands of my enemy, Satan. Satan can't touch my spirit, but he can wreak havoc with my mind if I allow him. And that's exactly what I was doing.
The Apostle Paul gave the Church at Philippi strong instructions concerning their thoughts. "Finally, brethren, whatever things are TRUE, whatever things are NOBLE, whatever things are JUST, whatever things are PURE, whatever things are LOVELY, whatever things are of GOOD REPORT, if there is ANY VIRTUE and if there is ANYTHING PRAISEWORTHY - think on these things. The things which you learned and received and heard and saw in me, these do, and the God of peace will be with you" ~ Phillipians 4:8,9.
I began to speak what is true: If God is for me, who can be against me? My God can make a way where there seems to be no way. Nothing is too difficult for My God. God goes before me and gives me favor. He holds me with His righteous right hand. My God has a future and a hope for me. He promises to work everything together for my good.
These are the things that are true.
These are the things worthy of praise.
I placed the groceries in my car, this time with a thankful heart. My fear was gone. The suffocating anxiety had lost its power. Peace flowed freely.
Would you like to know why? My spirit was lifted on high with thoughts worthy of praise.
You, Lord, are worthy of our praise. You are the One True God, Maker of heaven and earth. We belong to You. When we allow our focus to stray from You I ask that You gently turn our face to behold Your beauty once again. Bring our thoughts captive to You, Sovereign Lord. Thank You for Your peace and Your amazing grace.
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If you received Morning Glory via email, please visit the Morning Glory page. I'm featuring a music video from Passion 2013 with David Crowder singing, "Here's My Heart". This song will lead you in humble worship before the throne of grace. It is amazing.
Oh Nan, how I can relate to this post. So many times, I've had to re-position my thoughts. They weren't worthy of praise. They weren't lovely. They weren't pure. Thank you so much my precious friend for being so transparent. I just love you!
ReplyDeleteJamie, I'm glad this ministered to you. I think we all struggle with this, but recognizing God's truth changes things. I love you.
DeleteNan, I can't tell you how MUCH I needed to read this today. I don't thank you often enough for the way you let God use you to touch my life - to touch other lives! Love & Blessings, Edie
ReplyDeleteOh my goodness, Edie. Thank you for your kind words. That means more to me than you will ever know. I'm thankful these words touched and ministered to you. Bless you!
DeleteI neede this today, also, and I thank Edie for sharing it! God showed me once that when I prayed with the word "but" everything after it was often a sign of my unbelief. I still struggle to leave. Out of my prayers.
ReplyDeleteTamara, thank you for stopping by. I love what you said about the word "but". That, unfortunately, is true, isn't it? The more I understand the sovereignty of God, the more I learn to rest. It's a struggle though. Like Paul, the things I know to do, I don't do and the things I know not to do, I do. Mercy! Thank God for His longsuffering. Bless you Tamara!
DeleteI neede this today, also, and I thank Edie for sharing it! God showed me once that when I prayed with the word "but" everything after it was often a sign of my unbelief. I still struggle to leave. Out of my prayers.
ReplyDeleteI neede this today, also, and I thank Edie for sharing it! God showed me once that when I prayed with the word "but" everything after it was often a sign of my unbelief. I still struggle to leave. Out of my prayers.
ReplyDeleteI neede this today, also, and I thank Edie for sharing it! God showed me once that when I prayed with the word "but" everything after it was often a sign of my unbelief. I still struggle to leave. Out of my prayers.
ReplyDeleteWOW... God's timing again... You have no idea how much your words minister to my heart at this turning point in my life.
ReplyDeleteI have an issue with money. My daddy lost his company and we had to sell our beautiful home when I was 15. Things got from bad to worse. My dad drove a taxi, then tried a new business and after a few years had to close it, after losing my grandma's apartment in the attempt.
I had to start working at 19, and since then, my name was changed from Mary to Martha. Always doing my best to make sure my family would have enough. I got married to a great guy who was not "successful", who was earning a very low salary, who was only beginning to know and trust God, and, believe me, marrying that man (a truly great man of God, but with a weakness of being insecure and not "proactive" and "aggressive" as the very competitive Argentinian job market demands) was a big leap of faith. I saw his efforts fail time after time (same as my dad's) and my Martha-burden increased.
Three months ago, the Lord began to remind me I'm Mary, the worshipper, the learner, the listener... Not Martha the doer. The result? After my vacations, I COULDN'T go back to work. Last month, we spent 800 dollars of our savings. But the Lord first allowed an eye/headache problem, and then started speak to my heart with so much intensity and clarity that I can't go back to business as usual.
To cut it short, I feel the Lord is calling me to full-time (or almost full-time) ministry. Where? How? I'm finding answers day-by-day. The answers are for THAT day, of what He wants me to do that day, what to say to this person or how to approach this topic He wants me to write about. And I'm terrified! Numbers... I wish I could forget my knowledge of math...
Carina, We have been unemployed for 2 1/2 years. Our savings is gone. Our unemployment benefits ran out last July. We pastor a small church of about 30 people, so that's how we buy groceries. The Lord is teaching my stubborn heart to trust Him through this process. The stress level is beyond belief, yet, He remains faithful. I wish the lesson of total trust and rest wasn't so tough, but I know it will be one of lasting purpose as we teach others to do the same. I know that God is leading and guiding you. I believe the windows of heaven will open and pour out blessings on you that you are unable to contain. Your obedience is a beautiful sacrifice to the Lord.
DeleteYour words speak VOLUMES to my hurting, anxious, striving heart. You're so right!
DeleteI've learned yet another lesson at the school of hard knocks. I'm trying to recover my son from the clutches of satan who's threatening to turn him into a rebellious, strong-willed little dictator. I'm trusting God and His promises for his little life. And know this is the result of me having previously, even if unwillingly, forsaken him to seek to earn our survival in the job market, and my husband's having been previously paralysed. Chickens eventually come home to roost.
Thank you for the reminder that He truly is in control and, regardless of what we're going through, He deserves our praise. I'm thankful His faithfulness doesn't depend on mine. "Oh, how He loves you and me!"
ReplyDeleteYes, Vonda...Oh, how He loves you and me! Bless His Holy Name :D
ReplyDelete